promise

...
emm, i dont feel like blogging tonight but my sense told me that i got to express something. i dont usually start speechless when writing my blog. i felt weird to be honest. i feel sad. when im sad, i dont usually blog. im confused ..
this last few days, i didnt have the mood to eat, not enough sleep, moody all the time, kept on smiling .. on the outside though, but inside there's no shine at all, drove faster than normally, i mean like .. this isnt me. im not like this. im farhan. im happy. but why am i sad ?
is it because of promise ?
idk, when someone's like telling me that they gonna see me or do something to me, i will usually expect that thing to happen. but nowadays aint like the old days. this time, i gotta grant that promise. but people promised me .. why should i grant it for them. in other words i have to search it. still dont understand, then its aite. you'll get it in your life somehow. 
this few days, ive been expecting someone to come and see me and i usually expect that someone to actually come and visit me before the finals. maybe that person would actually cool me down a bit cz of the finals. reasons after reasons, it just doesnt want to happen. and when i ask, new reasons. when im on a lil high voice, just a lil, that person will keep quiet. sometimes, not all humans are like me. i forgive people quite easily. i dont actually get pissed for stupid reasons. i trust only the people i love. i'll do something that could make them happy. i'll cook. i'll drive. I'LL DO EVERYTHING !! but some people just dont know what am i to them. i dont expect replies. i just want respected, used properly, etc. times like this, i just need you baby. i know when i say im busy, i actually am. though, i always think about you the minute i say " im busy dear, ttyl ". im not perfect .. who'll be there with you always. sometimes dear, i wanna cry as well. not just you baby. i wanna be sad as well. sometimes, i want you to make me happy. put that shine on my face ..
i love you baby, with all my heart <3